Finding a Spouse (Choice, Arranged Marriages & Rejection) | Victor Tey

Preached by Victor Tey


Finding a Spouse (Choice, Arranged Marriages & Rejection)

You must CHOOSE a Wife (00:36)

  1. Last week we talked about how a wife must be found
    1. Proverbs 18:22 – findeth a wife
    2. This implies more than one option and therefore a choice must be made.
  2. Who you marry is a choice
    1. Genesis 2:16-17 – freely eat
    2. We can make freewill choices within God’s boundaries (aka “God’s will”)
    3. God does not dictate every aspect of your life.
      1. No need to pray about what clothing you decided to wear this morning.
    4. Some things God does dictate
      1. No need to pray about whether to go soulwinning.
      2. We have an option on what method we want to use (eg. door-knocking, street-preaching, talk-radio, events, etc)
    5. Whilst no doubt, who you marry, is a more important decision, the principle is the same.

Q: “What about Adam and Eve?” – Genesis 2:18-25 (07:03)

  1. A specific incident and circumstance
  2. There was only one woman in the world, there was no other choice.
  3. Technically he was given the option of the animals.
  4. Eve was made by God so she was perfect. Why would Adam choose anything else?
  5. It was still voluntary – Adam still had to take her as his wife.

Q: Ultimately the question is – Do you want to be married to this person? (13:58)
A: Ephesians 5:22:33 – this is what is expected of husband/wife

Ephesians 5 vs Proverbs 31 vs 1 Timothy 5:13 woman.

A Woman’s Consent vs Arranged Marriages (22:00)

  1. Q: What about arranged marriages, are they lawful?
    1. OT – “gave his daughter to wife”
    2. NT – 1 Corinthians 7:38 – giveth her in marriage
    3. I believe it is lawful but not wise.
    4. Love involves choice
      1. John 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
      2. Doesn’t mean you can’t choose to love a husband you have been given to against your wishes.
      3. Genesis 24:67 Isaac & Rebecca never met and he loved her.
      4. God does not force us to be born again, he gives us the choice.
    5. If I love my daughter, wouldn’t I want her to have the choice? I may just want to set boundaries and veto a foolish choice. Like God did with man in the beginning. Freewill choice with boundaries.
  2. Example in the bible of a woman being allowed to consent to who she marries.
    1. Genesis 24:55-61 – Rebekah given the choice to go with the servant
  3. Numbers 30:9 – only widows/divorced women have authority to make un-veto-able vows.
    1. 1 Corinthians 7:36-39 – to whom she will only in the Lord
    2. Numbers 36:6-12 – whom they think best

4 Tips to Help with Overcoming Rejection (41:58)

  1. Dating is a choice therefore rejection is unavoidable – just accept it and learn to deal with it. (42:24)
    1. Get over it by starting over rather than dwelling on it
      1. Same as property, job, etc.
      2. Proverbs 24:16 – just man falleth seven times and riseth again
      3. eg. Overcome the flesh by walking in the spirit (Romans 8:13)
      4. Eg. Pornography is overcome with marriage (46:29)
    2. Never pleasant to fall so be compassionate on people who are hurting.
      1. Not something we should be making fun of. This is an issue very close to the heart. Don’t kick people while they’re down.
      2. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – two are better than one
      3. Girls don’t ruin him for the other girls or share personal secrets (Proverbs 11:13 – talebearer revealeth secrets)
  2. Have a long-term perspective – once you are married the rejections won’t even matter (50:55)
    1. Matthew 13:42-43 – pearl of great price
    2. Romans 8:18 – not worthy to be compared
    3. 1 Corinthians 4:16-18 – light affliction, but for a moment
    4. Even if you don’t end up married, it’s not going to even matter in the eternal scheme of things.
    5. Compare it to the pleasures of this life – don’t let it get you down that you don’t get to enjoy all the things in this world that maybe others do, you’re not even going to care when you get to heaven.
    6. Reminds me of the videos that get posted on facebook of people doing crazy things and really “living the moment”.
    7. Solomon did that and you know what his conclusion was “Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” “vanity of vanities saith the preacher, all is vanity.
    8. “Don’t get caught up in the rat race that you neglect to live your life”
      1. No. Don’t get so caught up with life that you neglect to serve God.
  3. Welcome it, because It will make you more of a man. (56:33)
    1. James 1:2-4 – count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations.
    2. Your pride is only hurt if you don’t accept that rejection is normal and can happen many times.
    3. This is a man’s responsibility – man leaves father and mother, not the woman.
    4. Heartbreak should be minimized for the female. Generally they are more emotional and less stable.
    5. Be a leader – “pioneers take the most arrows, but they get the biggest plot of land”.
    6. Follow Christ’s example, he was rejected (Isaiah 53:3) – yet in Revelation 19 we read about his marriage.
  4. Because it’s a choice and not destiny, it means any girl is possible and you are not destined for singlehood. (100:58)
    1. Ecclesiastes 9:11 – time and chance happeneth to them all. Great verse for encouragement.
    2. Proverbs 29:25 – Fear of man bringeth a snare
    3. If you do nothing, it’s a “no” anyway.
    4. Just go for it. Only pride to lose (that’s a good thing)

Save this link to download the audio for this sermon


Leave a Reply